Ghost

People thing that people who self-harm or have depression is stupid. But let me tell you something, these people aren’t but as a matter a fact…. These people are more better when it comes to their love ones or partner. They know how pain feels, they know how being left alone feels, they know when you need a friend or someone to accompany you during your lowest, your strom & rain moments. They know better than anyone, without even to tell them they know! & they will actually stuck up to you… But i wonder why you normal people , CAN’T DO THE AMAZING THINGS WE ARE ABLE TO DO! I speak the truth, the experince that i’m having… The victim!

There are times i have my moments to be down, or im tired, restless, just basically negative vibes but i manage to be around you at all cause… I don’t let small matters take the best of me. I know my roles, i know my position towards relationship! Please try to play the same with me… Because one day if myself had enough… Make sure you can bring me back to who i am now!

My brother, my homiee, my bestfriend, my diary, my soulmate, my partner in crime, my love, my boyfriend, my soon to be future, my future, MY EVERYTHING! 

How i admire him still being with for 4 years. He watched me grew up, my struggles, my failures & yet he still stay along with me & try to help me out at some points. There is things that are clearly not knowing what to do but i understand. I love him dearly that he put & gave sooo much effort to put me in good mood, brighten up my days even there are things blocking me. He never gave up on me :’) he’s always there when i need him. He advice me, he try to clear things up with me. I really apperciate him so dearly that his love is something i can’t describe anymore. Now words can’t express what ever i feel for him! Just the best for everything!!!

My brother, my homiee, my bestfriend, my diary, my soulmate, my partner in crime, my love, my boyfriend, my soon to be future, my future, MY EVERYTHING!

How i admire him still being with for 4 years. He watched me grew up, my struggles, my failures & yet he still stay along with me & try to help me out at some points. There is things that are clearly not knowing what to do but i understand. I love him dearly that he put & gave sooo much effort to put me in good mood, brighten up my days even there are things blocking me. He never gave up on me :’) he’s always there when i need him. He advice me, he try to clear things up with me. I really apperciate him so dearly that his love is something i can’t describe anymore. Now words can’t express what ever i feel for him! Just the best for everything!!!

gifsandsomeothershit:

From a wedding to another

To love myself

How the hell would anyone expect me to love myself when i can’t even give a inch of love towards myself. I don’t even know how to deal these kind of feeling. It’s really a low self-esteem for myself.

Just an hour ago i got anxiety attack, due to a restuarant. It’s fancy type one where people wear good descent clothes. I start having weird negative feelings, told my boyfriend that i don’t feel right. My palms starts sweating, having weird eye contact & couldn’t even speak. My boyfriend kept insisting we should just not go & do take out but i kept insisting to fight it. But i let my boyfriend have the way. I felt good yet guilty & failure towards myself… My boyfriend did understand, he said it was fine but i don’t know. But what i’m trying to say is, my anexity got the best out of me today… My negative & depression just mixed that time. It’s also my boyfriend’s first time to encounter my anexity. Shocking to know, he notice it without telling him…

The other one would be me & my securities. Maybe boys won’t understand this or maybe it’s just me. Where…. You will be picky about stuff. You like to wear something that shows a bit of your skin but nowadays some clothes or outfit for you it shows way too much more than you could ask for. If boys do the pick they made you choose something that covers up the whole entire thing of you. At this young age, the ones who have figure or young body to say the least well we do have the eger-ness or a thing for wearing something a bit too much. We have flaws, we have insecurities but we do try to make & see the best of it. I can point any flaws of mine & you’ll think it’s ridiculous. I nevy girls who embrace themselves to whoever they are & what they have in their body. I took can be proud but mostly insecurites, negatives, anger manaagement & again anexity did really got the best out of me! If only i knew how to fight this alone i would be happier… I would even proudly say i don’t need anybody cause i got me, myself & i. What i’m dealing with is no joke at all! It bugs me, it scares me, it pisses me off to be like this!!! I wanna get over it, i wanna live how normal people are, i wanna look like them being all strong & tough towards themselves, i wanna handle myself through all shits! I just pray & hope one day i try, i can & i will!

(17apr14)

What’s weird?!

Do you know what’s weird? Even kids younger than you is much more sweeter in their relationship…. Great! Just……. GREAT!!! T.T

30 day Self-harm challenge

Day 25 - Do you know any statistic about self harm?: uhm… I don’t have any.. xS

Day 26 - What is something that makes you the most happy?: Is to be around with my love ones. Before, I was happy when I drink & have a good time with peoples I’m with or even alone. 

Day 27 - Discuss any and all progress you have made.: I became more open & I tell people (I trust) how i feel or what I am facing & they are helping me out with all my struggles. I try to be more positive, act positive & think positive as possible as possible :) I even try to smile more even I am just smiling at myself or for no reason to xP 

Day 28 - What short term goal do you have?: My goal is 2014 I won’t have to go back to this kind of thing again (can’t promise but willing to try) 

Day 29 - Do you follow any self harm blog?: I think I do… But I could say yes I do…

Advice I would give

Like I promised I did said I will go back to this question. So here it is. It won’t be long though.

"Find a heart to really say "your gonna end it". It might not be easy but it will take up the whole courage to do so & say so. Open your heart, find someone the people you trust. Don’t be scared though, but you gotta think twice before opening our mouth to anyone (trust me I’ve done that). Yo can talk to your parents, friends or even your love ones, don’t throw them away because you’ll never know if one of them or all of them will be the answer to help you. I know how it feels to be ashamed of this, you don’t really need to talk about this but other stuff to. You guys could do activities that will be positive for you :) But mostly, think about your future.. Like what my boyfriend said ‘Would you like your children to see what your doing & if possible they’ll follow your step in which will look bad & it may destroy yours & their life?’ It takes time to open your eyes & everything. If you need anyone to talk with just voice out :) There are still good heart people out there! Don’t loose hope & faith." 

30 day Self-harm challenge

Note: Uhmm… Ok now I can finally say I am taking the step of “ending my self-harm issue”. I haven’t promise to a lot of people like I used to before but I did promise to my boyfriend :) Ok, Carry on ;D Oh by the way, I promised on the 19th Dec, 2013 (Wish me luck) P.s, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Day 17 - Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?: I do know but they eventually stop first than me… 

Day 18 - Write a letter to the future (recovered) of you.: Finally, you made it! Be proud of yourself & never look & go back :) Stay strong, happy & positive. Your never alone <3

Day 19 - List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it: It’s for the good of the future, it’s for your own good, people surround you will be much happier, you’ll actually see a bit brighter view in your life & you’ll feel a lot more stronger :)

Day 20 - What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm?: I don’t remember…..

Day 21 - Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?: Yes, I have. The things that I do differently now is I am actually welcoming people in my life, I open myself up to the people I trust (well mostly to my boyfriend), & I explain everything on how I feel or what i am dealing with… Oh, & I ask for help :)

Day 22 - Where do you feel the most calm?: At the company of my boyfriend :) Where ever we go I am at my calmest points even if I DID get mad or frustrated at least not too much like i always feel alone at home.  

Day 23 - What is your favorite inspiration quote?: “Do something that your future self will thank for!”

Day 24 - What are some of your main triggers? Why?: A lot I can… Why?… I don’t know. Hay~

Just felt like sharing my mini haul in “Cotton on” :) enjoy!

Need help?

If you need someone to talk with I am here to listen to you all’s problem.. Anything troubling you bugging you I can help you out or listen & be there for you :) Don’t be shy I won’t bite x) I just don’t want any of you feeling lonely & all the negative emotions! Just hit me up :))

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